Notes to Grandchildren – January 18, 2021 (Party)

Dear Grandchildren,

I had a wonderful time at the birthday party.

Watching the Lego constructions was most interesting.

I loved your answers to Apples to Apples. Forgive me, I can’t remember a single response but recall the laughter without hesitation. Wedding dresses made of duct tape? Dancing? Next time game day is on the agenda, I’m bringing my digital voice recorder to capture your explanations. You certainly had us in stitches!

Hope you were pleased with the results of the rock candy experiment.

I hear that another experiment is in the offing. Something about grapes and raisins in different types of soda. I’m excited to hear the results.

I wish others would just let you play instead of trying to choreograph your activities. You discover the world through play. Never stop playing!

Eager for the next party.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 17, 2021 (Education)

Dear Grandchildren,

There is a time for failure.

Many times while teaching in high school or at the technical college, I encouraged my students to explore, to try new things, to go beyond. The consequences are less severe while in school. Perhaps a loss at some sport. Perhaps you receive a poorer grade.

The most important part is that you’ve learned!

Perhaps you’ll revisit it again until you mastered it. None of us walked immediately. Falls and tumbles accompanied the process until we succeeded.

Perhaps you quit. Perhaps you labeled it as impossible.

Consequences in school are so much less than in the real world.

I recall a story about a probe sent to Mars. Numerous scientists and engineers worked on the project. Most used the metric system in their calculations, but one group used the English system. All went well until the probe arrived at Mars. It crashed. Millions if not billions of dollars were wasted. Now someone checks the calculations to confirm that everyone is on the same page and using the same system. In school this error would have been less costly.

Keep trying.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 16, 2021 (Rut and Routine)

Dear Grandchildren,

Don’t get stuck in a rut. Perhaps routine would be a better word than rut.

Know the why for the rut or routine. Incidentally, the wrong answer is that it’s always done that way. I’ve worked for many people who don’t know the why but who blithely reply that “it’s always done that way.”

Einstein defined insanity as “repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result.” (I recently confirmed Einstein’s observation. I got a message that I had entered an incorrect password. I kept submitting the password until I was locked out of the website. I had to call to get access again. I explained to the technician that I was demonstrating insanity.)

You have your reasoned choice.

Search for the why.

Avoid the rut and routine.

In the Navy there are procedures or routines, if you will. Find the reason behind the procedure. In the preventive maintenance system or while a piece of equipment is being repaired, the equipment is routinely tagged out of service for inspection, maintenance, and repair. Why? So that the person working on the equipment isn’t injured by an accidental activation.

Discover the why.

Use your reasoned choice.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 15, 2021 (Goals)

Dear Grandchildren,

Set goals. Follow through.

Many hop from one thing to another without a plan.

I’ve known students who received four or five associate’s degrees. Why? Aside from getting certificates for their “I Love Me” wall, they didn’t have a goal for the long term.

I’ve known people who earned an associate degree in computer hardware. They got a job. They hated the job. They hated the traveling. They worked on a bachelor’s degree in online education. Having earned the degree, they couldn’t get a position that paid comparable to their pay as a computer technician. So, they stay. They don’t seek computer hardware certifications by outside agencies. The world has passed them by. Why? They didn’t follow through.

Before Zoom and Google Classroom, a college spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars investing in distance learning hardware. Each experiment lasted about four years before being discarded. Why? One or two administrators had sufficient clout to get the money but failed to convince the institution or faculty of the long-term value. Therefore, it wasn’t an institutional goal nor was there institutional follow through.

Set goals and follow through.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 14, 2021 (Values to Actions)

Dear Grandchildren,

In The Will to Meaning Viktor Frankl wrote

Man is pushed by desires but pulled by values.

To become a puppet follow your drives.

• Play video games instead of doing your schoolwork because it’s more fun.
• Wear your pajamas and houseslippers to school because that’s the fashion.
• Break the law because you disapprove of an official or your favorite politician urged you to do so.
• Pro-choice dogma outweighs religious values.
• Pro-life dogma trumps religious values.

You can imagine hundreds of examples where you yield to your drives instead of acting on your values.

Choose to be different. Let your thoughts, perceptions, and actions be guided by your values.

The world will know you by your actions.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 13, 2021 (Science Experiment)

Dear Grandchildren,

“Can we do a science experiment?” you asked. How can I say “no” to that. Thus began our adventure at making rock candy.

I found a glass jar. We measured the amount of water that would fit — 2 cups.

I had some chopsticks that could be used to grow our sugar crystals.

You fashioned a device to hold the chopstick in the jar without touching the sides or the bottom since we couldn’t find a clothespin. I now have another use for a paperclip.

I dug out the food coloring. You decided on the formula to reach the desired result — aqua (4 drops of blue and 1 drop of green).

You measured 6 cups of sugar per cup of water.

I began heating the water. Once it started to boil, you slowly added the sugar. I stirred. Once the sugar was dissolved in the water, you added the food coloring.

I dipped the chopstick in the water. You put the chopstick in the sugar container to seed the chopstick.

I poured the sugar water mixture into the glass jar.

You attached the chopstick.

One week later, there’s rock candy.

A solid to a liquid and back again.

Fun … and delicious.

I had fun. I think you did.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 12, 2021 (Happiness)

Dear Grandchildren,

Happiness, however you want to define that, lies within your control.

Happiness rests with those things you have control over — your thoughts, your perceptions, and your actions (reactions).

When I scan The Courier, I usually peruse “Dear Abby” or “Dear Amy.” Hardly a week passes that someone doesn’t write to those advice columns expressing their disappointment at another. The other isn’t doing what the writer wants them to do. The writer wishes to control something external. The writer would be much happier focusing on their thoughts, perceptions and their actions rather than attempting to control others.

Grasp the happiness. It lies within your reach.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 11, 2021 (Reasoned Choice)

Dear Grandchildren,

Realize that shutting out externals is impossible. How do you deal with externals?

Shift your focus to your own reasoned choice. It exists completely within your control. Acting upon your reasoned choice brings inner peace and stability and a steadiness in any situation.

Reasoned choice presents a challenge.

Reasoned choice threatens others. You don’t think or believe as they do.

Look at your street. It is festooned with scarlet and gray. Flags and images representing ohio state university abound. (I often wonder how many actually attended or graduated from there or do they simply follow the football team because they live in Ohio.)

Look at your house. No scarlet and gray adorns your house. This is on the door:

Gandalf put something similar on Bilbo Baggins’s door. Your parents have chosen another path. It’s their reasoned choice. It’s neither right nor wrong. It simply is. Sadly there will be those who do not see scarlet and gray at your house and will believe it’s wrong. They’re external and beyond your control.

Be courageous and follow your own reasoned choice.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 10, 2021 (Reasoned Choice)

Dear Grandchildren,

Imagine life with all those externals calling to you.

• Republicans
• Democrats
• Liberals
• Conservatives
• Pundits
• Social Media
• Weather Watchers
• Environmentalists
• Conservationists
• News media
• Entertainers
• Influencers
• Comedians
• Lawyers
• Judges
• Pro-Life
• Pro-Choice
• Religion
• Charities
• Fashion
• Television
• Friends
• Neighbors
• Movies
• Books

This list could go on ad nauseum. What an agitated, fearful, and unstable situation!

Imagine those cardinal virtues

Those cardinal virtues stand as a filter between you and those externals.

Without the filter, these externals would bombard you helter skelter. Each tugging and pulling at you to gain your attention.

The filter isn’t a barrier to keep these externals at bay. Instead the cardinal virtues act to organize these externals and prioritize them.

Now you can employ your reasoned choice. You can use your thoughts and you perceptions to decide what action or reaction, if any, you will make.

What do you want to allow to occupy your precious time? You only have 1,440 minutes to deal with life today. Use them wisely.

Always do good. (Is that the prime directive? Is that a component of the Force?)

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 9, 2021 (Life)

Dear Grandchildren,

I’ve spent much of my life concerned about externals. I worried. I fretted. I lost sleep. My lip would swell. My nose would bleed. Mother got some little purple pills “to help me” calm down. (“Mother’s Little Helper” by the Rolling Stones?) Drugs are definitely not the answer.

Frankly, all those things that troubled me were completely outside my control. I can’t control the weather. (Father claimed that I could. I could make it rain whenever I didn’t want to help with farm work.) I can’t make people like me. I can’t manipulate outside events. Epictetus put body, property, reputation, and position here.

I only have complete control over my thoughts, my perceptions, and my actions (reactions). I must focus on these. Epictetus included opinion, choice, desire, and aversion here.

Focusing on internals — thoughts, perceptions, and actions (reactions) — provide incredible power. Escape from those external forces that chip away at my self-esteem is possible.

Life is much better when you focus on what’s within your control rather than being tossed about on the sea of events, comments by others, and our possessions which exist beyond us.

Love,

Grandfather