Notes to Grandchildren – February 4, 2020 (Losing Control)

Dear Grandchildren,

It’s so easy to lose control.  To get frustrated.  To get angry.  To cry.  To pout.  To scream.

Perhaps it’s just a ploy to deal with people and events.

I remember a religious sister at St. Mary’s Central Catholic High School. Whenever she didn’t get her way the sniffles began and the tears were not far behind.  Sometimes she got her way.  Sometimes she didn’t.

What kind of legacy did she leave?  Instead of being seen as a strong person, she left a legacy of being weak and petty.

Sadly, I have lost my temper too often.  I want to be a stronger person.  It’s something I work at everyday.

I hope you succeed in becoming a strong person.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – February 3, 2020 (Teaching Children to be Afraid)

Dear Grandchildren,

Why do we teach children to be afraid?

Why do we teach children to be anxious?

Sure … parents want their children to be safe and healthy.  Sometimes children don’t recognize the dangers involved with oven doors or climbing on furniture or playing with electrical cords ….

Sometimes parents overdo it.  We create anxious children.  We shouldn’t.  There’s quite a difference between keeping you safe and making you afraid.

Your great grandmother was afraid of heights and terrified of storms.  It has taken me a longtime to overcome some of the things she taught.  (Storms are tolerable; the fear of failing remains.)

Be brave.  Don’t let fear and anxiety be your master.  You’ll have to work at it, but I’m sure you will succeed.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – February 2, 2020 (Signs/Omens)

Dear Grandchildren,

It’s Ground Hog Day.  According to the old adage, if the ground hog sees his shadow then we’ll have six more weeks of winter; if he doesn’t see his shadow then spring is right around the corner … in about six week.

Where did that come from?

It’s sad that we look to signs and omens to tell the future.  Focus on today.  The triumphs and failures of yesterday are behind you.  Who knows what tomorrow brings.  Worrying about it doesn’t help.  Worrying only detracts from today.  Put your efforts into getting as much out of today as you possibly can.

Personally, my life is better since I’ve stopped reliving the regrets of yesterday and worrying about what happens next.  (The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman has helped me make this transition.)

 Try it!

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – February 1, 2020 (Temper)

Dear Grandchildren,

Beware.  Hot tempers run in our family.

Your great grandmother wouldn’t scream or shout.  She gave the silent treatment.  She would also do little things to get even like throwing all my toys and baseball cards into a cistern because of something I did.  (I don’t recall what it was; however, those toys and baseball cards would probably have had some value today.)

Your great grandfather would get violent.  I recall him taking a sledge hammer to a piece of equipment that broke while we were trying to repair it.  It only made the problem worse and added to the repair cost.

I also get angry.  I swear.  I curse.  I’ll avoid the source of my anger, but have taken unnecessary risks and caused myself injury.  Guess my anger is a combination of both of my parents.

It’s a weakness.

It’s embarrassing.

Strive to control your temper and your anger.  When you can, you will be a far stronger person than your Grandfather.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 31, 2020

Dear Grandchildren,

You are many things.  One important part are your values and core beliefs.  Keep in touch with them.

Exercise your values and core beliefs like you do your body with karate, running, jumping, zip lining, bicycling, etc.  What I’ve done to make this world a better place? What I have done to help others?

Study.  Values and core beliefs don’t exist in a vacuum.  They need to be fostered and nurtured just like when Yoda was teaching Luke about the Force in the swamps of Dagobah in The Empire Strikes Back.  I read The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman, write you notes on the inspiration from today’s reading, and use it as part of my daily meditation.  Other philosophical materials cross my desk — the Bible, religious essays from all religions, ethical materials.

I don’t necessarily have one set of beliefs. (Many of the world’s religious share a common core.  Sadly, too many people get wrapped up in the false belief that only their religion is the right religion.)

I measure my life by action, not words.  Am I acting consistent with my values and core beliefs? (The same yardstick applies to others.)

Make the world a better place. Help others. Show your values and core beliefs by your actions.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 30, 2020

Dear Grandchildren,

I’m sure you know people that all you have to do is mention a topic, and they can ramble on for hours.  Why?  Is it their own need for self-importance?  Dominance?

You don’t have to know everything about everything.  It’s not a crime to say “I don’t know.”

There’s nothing wrong with being a Leonardo da Vinci (When you get the opportunity, read Michael J. Gelb, How to Think like Leonardo da Vinci. I think of Leonardo as the artist of the Mona Lisa, but Leonardo’s letter to Ludovico Sforza seeking employment doesn’t even mention the artistic side of his talents.) or a Renaissance man who is knowledgeable, educated, and proficient in a wide range of fields; however, that doesn’t mean discussing at length the commentary that passes for news or made up media events or the latest fad.

Keep the focus on things in your wheelhouse that make you whom you are.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 29, 2020

Dear Grandchildren,

Do your job.  Do it well.  Focus.  The job you have right now is the most important job that you will ever do.  (I’m not talking some far away time when you have a make a living.  I’m talking about daily chores: feeding the pets, taking out the trash, making your bed, etc.)

Colin Powell (Army Four-Star General, U.S. Secretary of State) got a business internship with a soda company while in college.  He expected to be working with management.  Instead he was given a mop and broom to clean up.  Can you even imagine the sticky mess involved with cleaning up soda pop that had been spilled on the floor?  He resolved to be the best janitor that business ever had.  He put his whole heart into the job.  It wasn’t what he expected, but he stuck with it and succeeded.

Do the same regardless of the tasks or jobs you’ve been given.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren – January 28, 2020 (Role Model)

Dear Grandchildren,

Role models were easier to come by when I was child:

• There were athletes like Mickey Mantle who played baseball for the New York Yankees and Dick “Night Train” Lane who played football for the Detroit Lions.
• There were cowboys who were on television, in movies, and at the Ohio State Fair like Gene Autry and Roy Rogers.  (They were cowboys, weren’t they?)
• There were actors like Gary Cooper in Sergeant York, Alan Ladd in Shane, and John Wayne in She Wore a Yellow Ribbon.  (Was it the actors or was it the values demonstrated by Alvin York, Shane, and Captain Nathan Brittles?)
• There was the epitome of sophistication — Cary Grant.

Then there was my brother Charles Earl:

• He dropped out of school to join the Navy in World War II and was on the west coast getting ready to deploy when the war ended.
• He joined the Air Force and got law enforcement training.
• He served with the local Police Department not driving a cruiser but walking the streets … at night.  (Somewhere there is a clipping from the local newspaper telling about Brother Chuck foiling a robbery.)
• He started businesses.
• He got elected president of the JayCees (Junior Chamber of Commerce).
• He was an active member of veterans groups.

Are role models harder to find today?  (Perhaps, I’ve become callous, and it’s harder for me to look at people today and say that’s someone that I’d like my grandchild to be.)

Grandson, I was impressed that you chose to investigate Jack Horner for your Second Grade Wax Museum program.  You were the only paleontologist among the athletes, politicians, musicians, and actors.  Well done!

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren — January 27, 2020 (Impulses)

Dear Grandson,

Sitting in my bookcase is a stuffed stegosaurus.

I picked it up at the baby shower when you were so upset that no one was listening to you.

Why is it in my bookcase?  You gave in to your impulses, got your own money, and bought it.

Sometimes our impulses get us into trouble.  With a little patience you would have had both your money and the dinosaur.

Love,

Grandfather

Notes to Grandchildren — January 26, 2020

Dear Grandchildren,

Focus on things within your control.  Your wants.  Your desires.  Your anger.  Your feelings.  Your thoughts.  Your perceptions.  Your actions.  These are the things you have mastery over.  No one else controls them.

Lao Tzu said, “He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.”

Be your own master.

Love,

Grandfather